Me:

Look, I’m really sorry… please don’t take offense if you’re a Tory… but Boris Johnson!

Me:

It started out as a joke. About seven months ago he was this comedy figure in public life, and then he said he is going to run for mayor, and everyone was like “ha ha ha have you seen the news – Boris is going to run for Mayor!” 

For those who don’t know Boris Johnson is just like a really really big, 15 year old public schoolboy. He is a huge, light blond, foppish haired chap. Known best for talking absolute rubbish and not having the sense he was born with. He looks like the sort of man who would have no social connections with anyone who doesn’t have at least one member of their family in the Pony Club. Pony’s being a bit thin on the ground in London, he could probably really relate well to about 10% of his constituents.

Me:

But somehow it has actually HAPPENED! I can’t believe we are actually going to have Boris Johnson as Mayor. Boris the streetfighter who is going to sort out street crime in London!

(Boris looks as if he would survive about 5minutes on the public streets anywhere east of Liverpool Street).

Lisa:

Well to be fair Cath I don’t think he planning to combat street crime all by himself, he will probably have some people to help him....

Daniel:

No, no he’s not going to do it all by himself, he’s going to have …PREFECTS!

So that’s right folks. All police in London will be replaced by prefects with three stripes on their blazer, ASBOS’s* will be superseded by simply revoking the offender’s corridor pass. Why didn’t we think of that before.

It is actually all my fault. I missed the deadline to register to vote, and this is what happens when people like me don’t vote. Women starved themselves to death to ensure that I have the right to vote and I haven’t even used it. So for the next four years of drivel that it likely to ensue in London, you can hold me fully responsible.